I was going to write my next blog on living a truthful life and how hard that is when there are parts of your life that are private and just really don’t need to be shared…
I am putting that one off for a little bit because I saw something today that really burned me and got me thinking. On a magazine for new mothers was the headline “Resolve to be a better YOU”. Can you believe that?? It’s hard enough being a new mom or an old one for that matter without some magazine telling you that you can be better! How do they know what kind of mom you are anyway? And isn’t doing your best at being a mom what counts? I would like to know who the judge is of how good a mom you are or how good a person you are. Who says what is better? No, I did not deign to read the article. I have been working way too hard on liking myself for who I am and the way I am to sabotage it with some idiot article written by someone who probably doesn’t even have one kid, let alone three! So here is what I resolve to do: I resolve to listen to my inner self and to learn to like myself for who I am inside and not worry so much about the outside and what other people think. One thing I have learned from this fiasco…you can’t be everything to everybody, but you can be everything to yourself!
Well said.....I'd like to add two things: if you don't take care of yourself, you're not going to be able to take care of anyone else!! And the second: if you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one and making yourself miserable....
ReplyDeleteWe are remembered for the kind of things we did and the kind of person we were, not for what's on the outside.....
I think it's also a matter of bad news sells better than good news. I think we get engrossed in the bad news more often than the good news.
ReplyDeleteMany women would have picked up the magazine out of habit since they are used to beating themselves up. They would have read the magazine to find out "what else they are doing wrong that they didn't have a clue they were doing wrong in the first place..." I don't think most women would have been comfortable with an article telling they are ok at the New Year's because they must be "doing something wrong, there must be room for improvement somewhere." It's a horrendous cycle.
I've been that woman before(no I don't have the kids yet but I do have three cats and I've been known to beat myself up, right Suzy?), but I'm glad to see you standing up and saying you aren't going to listen to them, that you are going to listen to yourself instead.
I admire that, and I've been trying to do the same thing(but I will admit, my cats have rubbed off on me, I do have a cat-like curiosity, I really, really want to read that article just to see what it says... hehehe)
Ok, ok, don't glare at me: I'll settle for waiting anxiously for your next blog, ok?
I think it's a very sad statement that most women are used to beating themselves up or thinking that they need improvement. What is wrong with accepting yourself for who you are? The real issue is that most women don't KNOW who they truly are...not ALL women, but a lot of us. We never have time for the kind of soul searching that takes. We also tend to think if we spend that much time on ourselves that we are selfish, which is just not true! Knowing who we are is key to being the best "me" we can...and that is what we want, right?
ReplyDeleteSo if I understand this correctly...
ReplyDeleteFirst post is about not being happy with yourself and wanting to be more.
Second post is about another writer possibly challenging you to become more and you are slamming it before even reading it?
Actually, Anonymous, there *is* an objective standard to being a decent person and a good mother (don't starve, injure or abandon your kid, etc.) that the author may have been referring to, but a journey of personal growth is mostly internal. Suzy may have been chafing at the magazine author's suggestion of "If you follow this regimen, you'll be happier!" without having any background on the individual reader. Who knows, there might be some good ideas in there, but ultimately, it's no different than displaying a shelf full of books; it's buyer beware and take it with a grain of salt to fit your lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteDrumrb0y,
ReplyDeleteFor all we know, the author could have agreed with you that "there *is* an objective standard", that "a journey of personal growth is mostly internal." and finally warn his or her readers to take those "If you follow this regimen, you'll be happier!" articles with a grain of salt.
I can think of a number ideas which do not need a background on the individual reader to become a better person. For one... the golden rule and the other which I was highlighting in my previous post... Don't judge a book by its cover.
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteYou are partially right, the two posts do seem to contradict each other. However, my point in the second post is that moms have a hard enough time getting everything done and feeling good about what they CAN do, they don't need some magazine cover screaming at them that they can be more. Being more is an individual decision, and one that I have made for myself, not because someone told me that I should, but because I want to for myself. The changes I will make and have made are individual to me and can not be generalized as they would have to be in an article like that.
That being said, you are also right that I should read the article before I write about it. My reaction was to the title of the article being on a magazine for new mothers. New mothers are dealing with a lot of changes and telling them that they need to change more is just destructive in my opinion. What these women need is support and care, not being told that they can be more - they are being enough right now. Seasoned parents can take that with a grain of salt and let it go, new moms are dealing with hormones and sleep deprivation and don't need criticism even if it is just coming from an article in a pediatrician's office.
So you are right, I shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. However, I am entitled to my opinion and that is what I was giving.