So, I’m getting a divorce. Everyone asks me the same question: why? I could lay the blame on my ex, but that wouldn’t be very fair. It’s not ALL his fault. I have to take responsibility for my part in the demise of our marriage. My kids want to know why. We told them that sometimes people just grow apart. It’s true; sometimes husbands and wives just grow apart. We, as moms, try to be everything to everybody, but we tend to forget one very important person - OURSELVES. We tend to grow apart from ourselves. We wake up one day and look in the mirror and wonder, “who is that person staring back at me?” that person with the wrinkled clothing and the dark circles under her eyes? Who is that person with the extra weight from the baby that she has never had the time or energy to lose… and doesn’t really care anymore if she does or not?
We look at that person and think “Is this it? This is who I am?” Then we rebel, “no, this is NOT who I am, this is not ALL I am!” I once had a great aunt say to me “You must be so happy, you got everything you ever wanted…you always wanted to be a mom, and now you are!” I didn’t understand my reaction then…I got depressed…very depressed. Now I know the reason. Yes, I always wanted to be a mom; and I wouldn’t trade my kids or the experience for anything, but I wanted more…I always wanted more for myself. I wanted to make something of myself, not just so my kids would be proud, but because there was more to me than just being someone’s mom or someone’s wife
. So this is what my blog will be about…being more. Not losing touch with who I am, who I want to be. It’s not going to be about my divorce, that is private, between my soon to be ex-husband and me. This is just going to be about me, the mistakes I made and what I can do about them now. I am about to turn 44 years old and I am embarking on a new chapter in my life. I am turning the page and looking to the future, putting the past to rest. So here I go….
You know, Suzy, I've known your for at least half, if not more, of those soon to be 44 years you've mentioned. Some people go a whole lifetime and never figure out who they are because they're just that ignorant or, in most circumstances I've seen, they're just too afraid of change. Afraid to admit to themselves that they could be more if they had the balls to at least admit to themselves that they don't like where they're at now.
ReplyDeletei am so proud of you. You are a strong person. I've always thought that of you, by the way. I believe that you did too, before, and somewhere along the way you lost sight of that. It takes a lot of courage to refocus yourself for you and it truly is admirable.
Be strong. Be there for yourself and always know that there are others who believe in you as well. I'm here for you always, my friend.
Robert
Very Well writen!
ReplyDeletekeep up the new work.
Ok, since I can finally leave comments now(thanks to Firefox), here's my comment on the first blog entry:
ReplyDeleteWow, I must say I didn't see that coming, very unexpected and powerful insight.
But I do wonder, is the journey inward also not a private one? (Sorry just playing, I can't wait to read more of your journey).
Anyway, to leave you with a quote from my tea bag:... See More
"The longest journey is the journey inward."
Dag Hammarskjold
Swedish diplomat (1905 - 1961)
I'm enjoying your blog!
ReplyDelete