Resolutions

I was going to write my next blog on living a truthful life and how hard that is when there are parts of your life that are private and just really don’t need to be shared…

I am putting that one off for a little bit because I saw something today that really burned me and got me thinking. On a magazine for new mothers was the headline “Resolve to be a better YOU”. Can you believe that?? It’s hard enough being a new mom or an old one for that matter without some magazine telling you that you can be better! How do they know what kind of mom you are anyway? And isn’t doing your best at being a mom what counts? I would like to know who the judge is of how good a mom you are or how good a person you are. Who says what is better? No, I did not deign to read the article. I have been working way too hard on liking myself for who I am and the way I am to sabotage it with some idiot article written by someone who probably doesn’t even have one kid, let alone three! So here is what I resolve to do: I resolve to listen to my inner self and to learn to like myself for who I am inside and not worry so much about the outside and what other people think. One thing I have learned from this fiasco…you can’t be everything to everybody, but you can be everything to yourself!

Being More

So, I’m getting a divorce. Everyone asks me the same question: why? I could lay the blame on my ex, but that wouldn’t be very fair. It’s not ALL his fault. I have to take responsibility for my part in the demise of our marriage. My kids want to know why. We told them that sometimes people just grow apart. It’s true; sometimes husbands and wives just grow apart. We, as moms, try to be everything to everybody, but we tend to forget one very important person - OURSELVES. We tend to grow apart from ourselves. We wake up one day and look in the mirror and wonder, “who is that person staring back at me?” that person with the wrinkled clothing and the dark circles under her eyes? Who is that person with the extra weight from the baby that she has never had the time or energy to lose… and doesn’t really care anymore if she does or not?

We look at that person and think “Is this it? This is who I am?” Then we rebel, “no, this is NOT who I am, this is not ALL I am!” I once had a great aunt say to me “You must be so happy, you got everything you ever wanted…you always wanted to be a mom, and now you are!” I didn’t understand my reaction then…I got depressed…very depressed. Now I know the reason. Yes, I always wanted to be a mom; and I wouldn’t trade my kids or the experience for anything, but I wanted more…I always wanted more for myself. I wanted to make something of myself, not just so my kids would be proud, but because there was more to me than just being someone’s mom or someone’s wife

. So this is what my blog will be about…being more. Not losing touch with who I am, who I want to be. It’s not going to be about my divorce, that is private, between my soon to be ex-husband and me. This is just going to be about me, the mistakes I made and what I can do about them now. I am about to turn 44 years old and I am embarking on a new chapter in my life. I am turning the page and looking to the future, putting the past to rest. So here I go….