Friday, September 17, 2010

Voices in our heads

I have a question for you. How do you quiet someone else's voice in your head? You know the voice, the one that says "you're not good enough" or "you can't do that, you're not smart enough" or whatever self-depreciating negative thoughts you have going through your head. We all have them, no one is immune to them. But what do you do when you not only hear them, but they have a specific person's voice attached to them? It doesn't matter if the words were actually said by that person, just that the feelings are attached to that particular person; the self-image that you have was caused by something about that other person. Whether it was their intent or not, doesn't really matter, all that matters is that the voice is there, inside your head, bringing you down.

So what do you do?

There are those who would say "Just ignore it" or "Tell it to go to hell" or some other flippant answer. But this is a real problem for those of us with self-confidence issues. It is something that is very difficult to get over. You can confront the person, but that won't do any good because if they were aware they were doing it, then they will deny it and if they weren't aware, then there is nothing they can say to change it anyway. The damage is already done! So I guess finding the strength within yourself is the only answer.

No one can change your attitude about yourself but you. If you truly believe these things about yourself, then you have less of a chance of breaking free of them. However, if you KNOW they aren't true, and that they are just a remnant of your past, then you have a chance to change your attitude. I guess the idea is that you have to decide if you want to be a victim or not. If you don't want to be a victim, then it is going to take a concentrated effort. A friend of mine suggested affirmations to me once. I don't know that I believe in them, but I suppose it couldn't hurt to keep telling yourself positive things about yourself. That doesn't mean go overboard and become a narcissist, it just means that you can tell yourself your good points. For example, I can tell myself that I am a good mom. I know this about myself, and my kids are proof of it. There is nothing wrong with speaking the truth to yourself, right?

Then there is the idea of putting what you want out into the universe and then getting out of your own way to let it happen. We all put roadblocks up, but how many of them come from lack of confidence because of something you let someone put in your head? Getting out of your own way means actually BELIEVING in yourself and in your ability to do what it is you want to do. It also means believing that you deserve it.

Self confidence doesn't come easy to everyone. Most of us have to work very hard at it. We all start out with it...look at babies and toddlers; they have all the self confidence in the world because their world revolves around them. Somewhere along the line, some of us lose that feeling of "I can do anything I set my mind to". It doesn't really matter why we lose it, just that it is lost and needs to be found. Whether it is body consciousness caused by the media's images of perfection, or if it is a feeling of inferiority to a friend in school, or a failure to do something the first time you tried it, or someone actually going out of his or her way to stop you from being the best you that you can be....it doesn't matter. What matters is that you have the power to change it. It's going to be a hard road, a long road, but not a lonely road. Remember, there are a lot of us out there struggling through the same thing you are struggling through.

So in answer to my question, what do you do to quiet those voices? Take away their power. Replace it with your own. Work to truly believe in who you are and what you want and then sit back and step out of your own way, watch your dreams come true.

2 comments:

  1. You can also try challenging them; when you have one of those thoughts, challenge it--"who says I'm not good enough", "why can't I do that?", "why aren't I good enough, smart enough?".....in challenging them, you will see that they have no merit, especially when you are able to consider the source. And you're right: if you take away the power from the source, it no longer means anything and thus will not affect you as much, if at all. We always have a voice, we always have the power to allow things to affect us or not, and we always have the ability to laugh, love, and change what we don't like, regardless of what anyone else says. Each one of us is unique, with distinctly different DNA (minus twins, triplets, etc), which is exactly how G-d intended it to be....there is not supposed to be another person like us on earth, and I think that that's pretty neat....something that we could all embrace and share with each other....you never know what we could learn :)

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  2. You can also quiet the voices in your head by just simply taking responsibility for your own actions and decisions. If you hear voices, they are coming from you, no one else. No one is whispering in your ear. If you are feeling inferiour to anyone, it's because you are letting yourself feel that way. You are the grown up and you are responsible for setting an example for your children. How are they supposed to be strong individuals if their mother is constantly relying on the praise of others to help find her self worth? Think about that for a moment. Whatever decisions you make in life are your own, no one else's. Take responsibility. Stop blaming the past and look to the future. Maybe you need to buy a new pair of shoes so you can step out of your own way. Good luck on your journey and stop whining about the past. It's the past and it's over.

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