WANTS VS. NEEDS

I grew up in an upper middle class family. My parents worked very hard to give us everything we needed and most of the things we wanted. They also tried to instill in us an appreciation for what we had and an understanding of the difference between what we wanted and what we needed. Somehow, someway, I missed the meaning of the lesson (sorry mom and dad!). I have recently realized that this is a lesson that I sorely needed to learn.

I want to give my children everything I had growing up and also many of the things I didn’t have. It is most parents’ wish to give their children more than we had; it is human nature to want more for our kids. What I have come to realize, now, is that it is not possible for me to give my kids more than I had, nor can I give them as much as I had. I can give them what they need, but not necessarily what they want. I can give them a safe and loving place to live, I can put healthy food on the table (most of the time), I can clothe them and give them the education they deserve. I cannot give them a home with both of their natural parents. I cannot give them designer clothing or big dinners at restaurants. I can’t give them the latest toys or electronic gadgets. I can’t give them the new puppy or kitten they want, or a big house with a yard to play in. It hurts that I can’t give them these things, I want very much for them to have everything they desire. It is a harsh lesson for me, and for them.

I am lucky enough to have met some people who have shown me what it means to live within your means. These friends have shown me that if there is something you really, really want or want to do, then instead of plopping down a credit card and trying to pay for it later, you save for it and you wait for it. What I have found, is that it actually means more when you get it than it would if you got it the moment you wanted it. I have also found that there are times when once I can afford what I wanted, I find that I don’t want to spend the money on it because it is not really something that is necessary.

I am learning to delay gratification and how to teach my children to delay gratification (not an easy task). I now drive a car with a/c that is iffy at best. We live in a 3-bedroom apartment; 4 people and a large dog. We don’t go out to eat and if we do, it is McDonald’s or pizza (so much for healthy!). We buy our books at the used book store and sell some to them instead of keeping them (bye - bye home library). We go to the park instead of the mall and we save our pennies. It is a hard lesson to learn at my age, but I have some really excellent tutors (you know who you are).

So what CAN I give my kids? I can give them apples without the peel and sandwiches without the crust. I can give them board game tournaments on a Saturday night. I can give them marco polo in the pool and hide -n -go seek outside. I can give them museums and stargazing. I can give them a summer of “Mommy camp”. In short, I can give them me, and in return….I get something even more precious…I get wonderful memories!